How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
FUCK WHALES
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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