Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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