Where did you get a picture of my penis
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
