Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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