the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
