hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
