I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
