you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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