The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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