Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
