just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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