so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
