I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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