Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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