You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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