I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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