Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
