Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I queefed so loud it echoed.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
