I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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