Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
worst night to have a conscience
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
