We're facebook friends in real life
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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