dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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