I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Randomize
