if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
