Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
