Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
