the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
