How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
