He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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