guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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