Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
