I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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