i already hear my dad disowning me
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Houston, we have a squirter
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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