he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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