do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
