is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
