whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
