My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
