i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
