dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
