Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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