a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Randomize
