Umm I'm too high to move.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i drank out of a bidet.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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