They should really pass out barf bags in church
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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