i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
