they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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