My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
where am i from again
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
