I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
