Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize