after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I just had sex on a roof
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
