My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
